My mantra changes from time to time and lately it has been fixated on the phrase “follow through”– and it has been my mantra in ever since.
Often we enter the unknown with the neurotic impulse that everything has to be decided; clear; fixed, and so we calculate closely, obsess carefully, and ruminate over and over about the factors and variables to make sure that everything will eventually work. It’s as if a “no” or “I don’t know” are guests who aren’t invited and/or welcome, so we do everything we can so that they won’t even be in the picture.
As of late, I’ve shifted. Almost all the decisions that I’ve made lately is based on just that– following through. I used to resist the idea or notion of deciding something or entering a commitment without knowing how it’d eventually pan out or end up. My brain would flip a hundred eighty degrees– and back again, do somersaults and backflips and all those fancy tricks and schmricks, to make sure I know where I am going. The impulse to make sure I can see the end in mind is far too great for me to compulsively ignore.
But the irony is that the more we think we are in control, the lesser we actually are;
The more I think I’ve got it all figured out, the lesser I actually do.
And funnily enough, the more I accept that I don’t have it figured out, that I don’t know the end game – the happier, and more at peace, I am.
Suddenly, the now becomes such a nice place to live in; a sole refuge that covers and comforts. Something that I failed to realise,
or accept, before.
You know, life is what passes us by when we are gripping too hard in hope to selfishly attain clarity after clarity. And talking about life, it has its own funny way of doing things and working out – and more often than not, not in the way we first planned and/or expected. But it will, eventually.
As always, like always.
What if it doesn’t work out, you ask me? Well, then it doesn’t. You open a new page and start over.
What if you hearts breaks in multiple folds, you may ask again? Then you cry it out until you have no more heartbreaks left to cry about, and you start over.
What about failures, you may still stubbornly ask? Then you sulk, be angry, stay angry perhaps, kick yourself in the gut for a while… and you start over.
It’s really that simple.
Today, I take pride in walking towards an end that I know not yet of.
Today, I take the pleasure and gratitude of living life in the now.
Today, I’ve decided to stay in the now.
Today, I’ve decided to follow through…
what I am going through.